Set fire to the rain. I am numb so I appreciate pain

I still hold a candle lit vigil. I still hold a candle that was lit on the last spark of our love. A love that possessed the power and beauty and byproducts of a forest fire that consumed the entire earth. I am burning alive. This love has cleared much brush from my life and made way for recovery but I keep the menacing flame in my hands. I grasp it tightly and cling to the very thing that had left me burnt, ruined, destroyed. On the flip-side of this coin I am left with room for rehabilitation and new growth. But I keep this candle lit, in the center of a wasteland of charred brush and scorched life, praying for a phoenix to burn me once again. I want something to consume me once again. I am numb. I am cold. I want to feel a fire again. I want to enjoy the sensation that comes as one chars. I want to scorch and blaze and be a contributor to that glorious dangerous fire. That fire that consumes all. That fire that destroys. I want to lose myself in the flame. This flame that I wish this spark that I hold would give way to. I am holding on to this candle. A part of a vigil of the fiery love we once made. I mourn the flame amid the graves of everything that has been lost, in the very presence of all life to be created I wish for nothing more than to be destroyed and merely become the brush of what my heart holds as a ferocious flame. I will be the phoenix, I will be brush, I will be arsonist as long as I can once again-even if momentarily, feel the blaze of this love affair. I want to be soothed by it.

I'm just saying...Permanent? Really?

While sulking in the park I just started thinking about the people that have exited my life. This thought led me to explore thoughts of permanence. I thought about relationships-romantic, business, etc...it brought me to the realization that permanence is not a thing. Its and idea. No one can truly say they've witnessed the manifestation of permanence, unless the lived permanently, and last I've known the state of being alive was a temporary one. I came to the conclusion that nothing is permanent and maybe this world of ours isn't either. It had a beginning so maybe one day it will end. Change is inevitable but are endings not eminent?

I'm just saying...

Energy Invested

Why do we invest so much energy into individuals that cause no payoff for our investments? We give so much to those who drain us yet so little to those who drain us and sustain us. Is it that we like being used and creating another purpose for ourselves and find self-importance by creating a need for us in the lives of those we care for? Why do we spend so much time waiting in relationships? Waiting to meet someone. Waiting for replies from someone and waiting for the return on our investment of all the time we spent waiting. Why is it that those who make us wait KEEP us waiting? In that I mean: why do we wait on those we know will keep us waiting? Why do we stay and wait complacently without the feeling of enough self worth to stop waiting on others in order to act but act on our own regardless of whatever our actions may be. Do we say time was wasted once out investment doesn't pay off or is it that we always know we were wasting time and were only trying see how long we could go before we HAD to realize we were waisting the most nonrenuable resource we are give:TIME.

A Note To Myself and All Those In Need of a Word

The following is just the words of inspiration that came to me from God and I had to write them and once written I felt obligated to share and create this blog:

I come from strength. I say this to myself many, many times over and over repetitively. Sometimes in life I feel very unmotivated but once I feel the need for motivation I remember that I come from strength and I come from too much strength, hard work and determination to try. Whether I fail or not I come from too great of a legacy to quit on life; to quit on myself; to leave my dreams as just dreams; to effortlessly live life in anticipation of the end. I refuse to be a vessel of organs, bone and veins. I am obliged to be great and for that reason and because of my legacy I will be great. I will be brilliant. I was born talented. I was born from talent. I am the product of talent, faith, perseverance, and strength. I was created for brilliance. I will use the talent I was given to be great and to be brave enough to show my greatness to all whether they choose to witness or are just blinded by my brilliance. I am great. I am beautiful. I am brilliant. I will no longer hide my greatness, brilliance, nor will I hide my beauty. I will forever showcase them and overcome anything that tries to stop me from doing so.
A few minutes later:

I refuse to be stopped from trying. I will always try. Whether I fail or succeed I will always try. I will never quit before I try. I refuse to give someone or something credit for stopping me. I live to try. It is for the risk of failure, rejection, success and acceptance that I try. I refuse to stop myself or let myself be stopped. Only I may get in my way and I refuse to get in my own way. I will be, no, I am brilliant and I will showcase this to all that I meet.

Welcome

Welcome to my blogspot. I will be blogging about various things and as I sometimes write hastily and I am only human not all posts will contain correct grammar, spelling or punctuation. I will blog about various things but my main focus was encouragement and motivation for myself. But as I thought about I figured many people need encouragement and uplifting and therefore I turned and idea of me writing words of encouragement to myself into a blog to encourage those around me. Posts may be every day or various posts in one day or posts merely monthly. But I am here I feel I give good advice and I love to talk to people. These are my words and my thoughts if I choose to draw upon the words of others I will cite and credit others to best of my ability and knowledge. Here is my blogspot. Enjoy. I am kzkidstar and...I AM HERE!